Matriarch's In My Life

Dear Oprah:

I recently watched the eulogy that you gave about Ms. Coretta Scott King. During your speech, you struck accord that opened my heart to the core of my family's history, and I think it's worth telling. During your speech you gave historical facts about Ms. King's contribution to the social, cultural, and spiritual aspects of life in the U.S.A. Every time you mentioned Coretta Scott King it was always inspirational, to say the least. Actually, your saying that she was a very strong black woman in her own right was what prompted me to write to you to tell you about some of the profoundly strong black women in my family that have been so important to me, to my brothers, and to our community a as whole.

My grandmother, Lucille Lee, was the spirit of the whole family. She and her husband Goon (that's what everyone called him), were truly the foundation on which our family was built. Unfortunately I never had a chance to meet him as he passed away when I was only two years old. They had 19kids, which twelve of them are women. My grandmother was a strong black woman in her own right as well if only the number of children she raised is any indication. My grandparents raised their kids in a small four-bedroom house on 12thstreet in Wheeling, West Virginia. As you well know, just providing the food, the clothing and everything else that comes with having a large family on a small budget is terribly difficult. I think what my grandmother passed down to my mom and her sisters was how to be strong and do whatever it takes to raise your family and how to go beyond the call of duty, as she did day in and day out.

My mother-in-law, Neilda Pitts, is included in this as well. She was raised as an only child by a sweet lady we call Mama Bert. She is also a strong black woman who raised eleven kids of her own with the help of her husband, Augustus Pitts. They have eight boys and three girls.

My mother, Roberta, who has been so supportive to me throughout my life, was married to a loving man by the name of Norman G. Hunter. They had three sons’ named David, Jose, and Troy.

My father, who retired from coal mining after 20 plus years of service, was also a mechanic by trade. If you ever needed something fixed everyone in the community knew they could call upon him. He passed away in 1992after a long bout with Alzheimer's disease and he suffered a brain aneurysm as well. During his illness, instead of putting him in a nursing home my mother turned our dining room into a make shift triage and had a nurse come to the house for several hours each day. She devoted all of her time and energy into taking care of him and making him as comfortable as possible, leaving no time for herself. After a long and valiant battle with his illness she passed away where he wanted to, and that was at home.

After his passing my mother moved into a one-bedroom apartment. She immersed herself into her work providing daycare around the clock. This didn't allow her any time to date or remarry after many years went by, and although we gave her our blessings, she refused to date and instead chose to remain faithful to her husband.

This is what I mean by being a strong black woman. Instead of focusing on herself, she focused on others by taking up the parenting role all over again and raising her eldest grandchild Brandie. She is now playing the parenting role once again by raising her grandson Tramone and granddaughter Brittney - and she is doing this all out of her one bed room apartment. While providing daycare is her main source of income, it is easy to see that she gets much more out of it than the money she makes, which isn't much. She could make more if she had a bigger place, and would like to, but she remains content with what she has and I admire her for that. I do hope she knows how much I truly appreciate her for everything she has done, not just for my brothers and me, but for her grandchildren as well. Even though she knows I love her, and I may not say it as much as I should, I don't think she'll ever know how much she truly means to me and how much I hope and pray that God blesses her with all her heart desires. She has been the inspiration and the light in my life, in so many lives, and the Lord knows she deserves it.

There are so many strong black women in my life that are so deserving of recognition, but the following are some of the other women that really stood out to me and made a huge difference in so many lives. They are my aunts: Constance Bell, Paula Lee, Ella Lee, Rosetta Bush,-Pamela Lee and Betty Ann Jenkins.-There are the reasons why I think these individuals really deserve some recognition, but mostly it's because of all the sacrifices they have made for their families. They all, somehow in their own right, helped shape the lives of others -meaning they played a very big role in raising their grandchildren and so many others that are not even related to them. These strong black women have taken on the role of parenting all over again. In a sense they put their golden years on hold for our kids. The dedication and the burden of helping us raise our kids is something they have taken in stride. They have sacrificed their freedom and so much more in order to do it, but they do it without complaint. Whether it's because we lack in certain areas, because we were locked up, or because we were just too lazy to get a job instead spending our time out on the streets - we have failed in so many ways as parents and they have always been there, without judgment, to pick up the slack. Maybe it's because they just don't want to see us fail or see the kids suffer because of it.

But, whatever the reason, their efforts have been heroic – and that's an understatement. In short, they have put their lives on hold and have taken up the role of raising kids all over again and neither I, nor anyone, could ever thank them or praise them enough.

This is what I mean when I say l have some very strong black women in my family. These women that I speak of haven't been on a vacation in who knows how long. They haven't even been able to go out and shop for themselves because they're always staking care of other people's kids. They're not able to do the things other women do, like go out to lunch, get their hair or nails done, or even get together socially. What they deserve is to go out and treat themselves like queens for a day. These women, I can honestly say, give so much of their time and money to others and yet they ask for nothing in return. This is another reason why I say they are truly strong black women.

On a side note, these women are also all excellent cooks in their own right. Each of them are famous for one recipe or another. The community we live in is not very big, so every time there is a function going on, yeah you guessed it, they call on these ladies to cook something. They cook for parties, church functions, weddings, funerals, ball games, you name it and they do it. And they do it out of the kindness of their hearts. They also pay for it out of their own pockets and, rarely if ever, get reimbursed.  I've thought about it for a long time and realize that our family is entirely too big and too talented to have never owned a business.  We are one of the oldest families in our community too. You know, I've been thinking that every great city should have a soul food restaurant. While my family has the mow-how, we simply don't have the means to open one up. I'm hoping that one day, the Lord will bless my family with the means to make this dream a reality because if anyone deserves it, it's these strong black women. I would like to see these women put everyone's problems aside and finally take time for themselves. Maybe they could plan a nice vacation together or just catch up on old times. But I'm afraid, knowing these women like I do, they never will.

In addition to my mother, grandmother, and aunts, I have also mentioned my beautiful, kindhearted, and talented mother-in-law and her name is Neilda Pitts. She is very dedicated to her family and her church. She has also taken on the role of extended parenting. I believe she was 61 years old when she took on the raising of her four grandchildren. She did this because one of her daughters got into some trouble. So instead of the state taking custody of them, she did. Not only did she raise them, but she also helped shape the lives of other kids as well as their parents. She put her and her husband's retirement on hold to help save others and what a miracle she has been. It is also worth mentioning that she has been a woman of God for the past forty plus years and, boy, can she sing! To hear this woman sing you would think she would have a few CD's out, but she says she is too busy (raising other people's children) to ever record a song. This women's voice is so strong that she doesn't even need music. Her voice is truly on par with, if not better than, some of the greats like Yolanda Adams and Shirley Caesar, and I'm not joking. Remember the show where you had the boy sing one song of Mariah Carey's songs? Well, she's that good. Oh man, how I wish you could hear her. After that show, I guess Mariah took him back to her studio and helped him write a song. Everyone in your audience fell in love with him and she ended up signing him to a contract. Something like that would be overwhelming to Neilda.  Anyway, I could use hundreds of sheets of paper telling you more about these wonderful, wonderful women but I think you get my point. Each and every one of these women is a hero, unsung heroes, plain and simple. Their lives have exemplified the meaning of altruism and their quiet self-sacrifice has not gone unnoticed. I only wish there was more I could do to honor these women, these strong black women, to let the world know how very important they are and how very proud, we all are, of them.

In closing, Oprah, I just want to let you know that you have been such a great role model and have had such a positive influence on so many people around the world. In addition to Coretta Scott King, just thinking of you and your story, your overcoming extreme adversity to achieve the successes that you have was ultimately the inspiration for me to take a closer look at those around me. I remember the story of an African diamond miner who, after years of unsuccessfully searching for diamonds far and wide, finally gave up and sold his little farm and moved away. Little did he know that, a few days later, the young man who bought the farm was standing in the stream that ran along the back of the old house and while looking down into the water, a shining object caught his eye.  The young man simply bent over and picked up one of the largest raw diamond ever discovered on the African continent and, it turns out, that little farm became the most productive diamond mine in history. If that old man had simply looked for his treasures in his own back yard, all of his dreams would have been fulfilled. But we often find ourselves looking elsewhere for something that is right in front of us, and unfortunately, never find it. Oprah, you have been the inspiration that has caused me to search in my own back yard and what I have found, leaves me speechless.

Oprah, thank you for all you were, all you are and all you've done. There are really no words that could adequately convey the sincere gratitude I have when I think of how your example has shown me, shown us all, that our dreams can become realities - no matter where we're from, what we've done, or who we are. You've shown us all that anything is possible, and for that, L we, the world, will be forever in your debt. Most of all, however, I know in my heart that if it were not for people like you and Coretta Scott King, I would have never taken a closer look at those around me and may have never really considered the many strong black women in my own life, in my own back yard. This would have been most tragic, because like the old farmer, I may have never noticed so many, many true diamonds in the rough.

Again Oprah, thank you for opening my eyes!

Most Sincerely,

David A. Lee

 March 24, 2006